I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
