the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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