Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
