I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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