Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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