i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
