Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My vagina just recognized that song.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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