Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
