it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
