Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
