You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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