Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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