the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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