I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
