Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
