Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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