I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
