I'm lost and stupid without you.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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