I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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