I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
