listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
