My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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