If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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