How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
