you guys were way drunker than both of me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
