It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
