break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
