I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
