Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
