dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
