I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
