when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
