You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize