I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There r osticjed everywhere
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
