I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
