Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
