I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
