yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
