He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
