After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need moral support for this bender
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
