Say something about gay babies.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
