I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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