Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
