Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
