Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
