Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
