Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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