I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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