So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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