People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
