Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
