ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
