there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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