I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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