so that wasnt chicken after all
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
