You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
