I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
