You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
