i barfeds in our rink
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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