Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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