She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
