I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Your dad touched me again.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
