i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When are your genitals available?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
