drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
