Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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