I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
