i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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