Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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