i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just invented taco cereal.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize