Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
