Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We left the knife in your bed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
