I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i think i have two assholes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
