I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
