I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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