Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
