I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
