Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
