im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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