ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
