Don't you send me to vm
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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