i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
