farters have to be the big spoon...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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