I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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