i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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