Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
