I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
