please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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