Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
