Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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