We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were destined to go to rehab together
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
