DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
