dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
