my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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