Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
